


Bookends

by Annber03



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s14e15 Truth or Dare, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:41:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22171966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annber03/pseuds/Annber03
Summary: They’d never imagined the past and present would collide like this.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Spencer Reid
Kudos: 16





	Bookends

**Author's Note:**

> Reference to a scene from “300”. Spoilers for “Truth or Dare”.
> 
> Been a while since I’ve posted anything for this fandom! Had this sitting around after the finale, wanted to get it in before the start of the final season tonight. Here’s hoping there’ll be a good resolution for these two in regards to all of this.

This wasn’t playing out as he’d imagined.

Reid had tried to keep Morgan and Hotch’s advice in mind in the days leading up to his Redskins date with JJ. _Compliment her. Put your arm around her. No, don’t do that, that’s too forward. Try holding hands first. Buy her flowers, take her to a nice dinner._ He’d never really dated before, didn’t care a whit about football, really, but as Morgan noted, this was actually the perfect kind of low-key, no big pressure outing for somebody like him.

Plus, he’d read more than enough of his mother’s classics, the ones with epic romances and poetic verses about love. Granted, he wasn’t sure yet if his feelings for JJ ran that deep, but he saw the way his mother would swoon as she read out a particularly romantic line from a story. Maybe JJ would appreciate him reciting her a line or two as well. Ultimately, Reid figured that as long as she had fun, he’d consider the whole thing a success. He could do this.

Of course, the best laid plans, as they say. That’s how he wound up finding himself sitting between JJ and Garcia, in a stand full of very loud, rowdy, drunk football fans, watching a sport he’d never really been into. He’s pretty sure his heart actually deflated when Garcia showed up with JJ. Reid liked Garcia, he really did – she was a colorful handful, yet also very friendly and kind.

But, well, when he’d asked JJ to this football game, he’d thought the message was clear: two tickets, two people. Evidently not.

Truth be told, though, it was probably just as well she came along. All the advice he’d been so sure about a few days prior seemed to crack and fall apart on him. His hands smelled of hot dog and mustard, and he was getting all sweaty from sitting in the crowded stands. So hand holding was definitely out.

The screaming crowd, meanwhile, made it hard for him to think long enough to consider any sort of romantic lines or compliments. The most he’d managed to say was, “Hey, Jj, I, uh, like your outfit.” He knew enough to understand that she was wearing the team’s colors, and the number on her shirt was interesting, but he’d be damned if he could say any more about the outfit beyond that. She’d smiled and thanked him for the kind words, but that conversation sure wasn’t going to be up there with the great sonnets.

Still, he did manage to have some fun anyway despite the awkwardness of it all. Garcia told some funny stories, and Reid very much enjoyed seeing JJ passionately rooting on her favorite team, jumping around and pumping her fists whenever they...scored? Was that the correct term? And his dinner plans may not have involved a romantic booth for two in some little restaurant, but being able to share some burgers and fries with his new friends was still pretty nice.

As the day wore down, he finally got a moment alone with JJ later, after Garcia had headed home. Now was his chance. Now he could tell JJ how the red and yellow of her outfit complimented her soft blonde hair and lovely blue eyes. Now he could tell her how he felt about her, perhaps ask her out again, just the two of them this time. Now he could quote some classic poem, see how she’d react.

Reid reached for her hand as they made their way down the sidewalk, towards the metro. A man bumped into him then, throwing him off balance. He shoved his hands in his pockets, deciding to leave things be.

They finally arrived at their destination, preparing to part for the night. “So...” Reid began, rocking back on his feet.

“So...” JJ echoed, folding her arms.

“I, um, had a good time today.” Reid pushed a strand of hair behind his ear, giving JJ a smile.

“Yeah?” When Reid nodded, she continued. “Good. I have to be honest, it surprised me a little at first that you asked me to a football game. I didn’t think that was your thing. But now I know it was Gideon’s idea...”

Reid hummed in amusement. “Yeah, it was actually kinda fun. I don’t know that it’s something I’d watch often, but as a one-time experience...” He shrugged. “It wasn’t so bad.”

JJ chuckled at that. “Yeah, I figured that’s why Gideon gave you those tickets. Give you a chance at a new experience, and give us younger team members hang out together and get to know each other.”

_No, actually, he did that because I told him you’re the only one who calls me “Spence”,_ Reid wanted to say. Instead, he simply nodded, his lips set in a thin line. At least she was right about the “new experience” part. “Yeah. Something like that.”

They stood in silence then, Reid racking his brain once more for something to say. Anything that could end this quasi-date on a pleasant note. “Thanks. For coming along,” he added, when she tilted her head at him.

He was pretty sure his knees buckled a little at the smile JJ flashed him. “You’re welcome. Thank you for inviting me.”

“And your team won!”

“Yes! A good day all around.” Another dazzling grin. Yeah, this wasn’t a simple crush anymore. Of that, Reid was certain.

“Well,” JJ said, cutting through his thoughts. “I should probably head home.”

“Yeah. Me, too.”

“See you at work on Monday.”

“Indeed.” He paused. “Have a good weekend, JJ.”

JJ’s smile this time was softer, smaller. “You, too.” She turned, heading off to find her car. Reid stood and watched for a moment, before turning to catch his ride home.

As he rode the metro back to his place, he replayed the events of the day. Perhaps with a bit more time and distance, he’d try asking JJ out again. He’d make sure to have everything prepared this time. A nice meal, a bit of candlelight, looking straight across the table at her, right into her eyes.

Maybe, just maybe, he’d find out then how JJ felt about him, and in turn, he could finally tell her how he felt, too. The two of them completely unguarded, comfortable, honest, and hopefully, happy.

* * *

This wasn’t playing out as she’d imagined.

She looked over at Reid. He was standing near the store, lost in thought. The confusion was written all over his face, and she couldn’t blame him one bit for feeling that way. She’s been pretty confused herself. At least she’s had time to deal with all of this. He’s the one who just had this shocking bombshell dropped in his lap.

_Why_ hadn’t she come up with another revelation? Why’d it have to be _this_ one? Wasn’t it enough that she’d used her miscarriage as a bargaining chip to spare their lives?

JJ’s gaze traveled over Reid, taking him in, reflecting on her earlier words. Yes, she loved him. Not as a brother, or merely as a friend.

No, it was more than that. Much deeper. She wasn’t quite sure just _how_ deep – that’s a large part of her confusion – but it wasn’t a simple crush. She knew what that felt like. After that Redskins game all those years ago, there was a brief period where she’d thought Reid rather cute. He’d been a perfect gentleman during their day out together, his awkwardness was rather endearing, he seemed genuinely interested in trying to follow the game, which she’d appreciated, and despite the fact his outfit wasn’t exactly typical football attire, she couldn’t deny he looked nice.

It wasn’t until after she’d gotten home that she’d realized Reid had intended their outing to be a _date_ , and she could’ve kicked herself for not figuring it out sooner. She’d just never really considered the idea that Gideon, of all people, was trying to set them up. He didn’t seem the type. She’d considered the idea of going out again, just the two of them, but their work kept them so busy, and despite Gideon’s efforts, she wasn’t sure about the fraternization rules.

And then...other things happened, more serious things, and time and distance seemed to solve that problem for them. They’d each moved on. She’d eventually created a family of her own with Will. Reid had a few flirtations, and then there was Maeve. That crush from the past became a distant, yet fond, memory.

Somehow, some way, in recent years, those feelings came roaring back. She’s pretty sure she could pinpoint when it started: his time in prison. She’d been leaning on him for quite some time before that, notably with her struggles with Askari and its aftermath, He got what she was dealing with, he knew just how to get her to open up in ways others didn’t, he was the only one she’d told about her miscarriage. She’d noticed a slight shift in her interaction with him after that, but hadn’t thought much about it at the time.

Then came Mexico, and Reid being drugged and held in prison, and so many memories came flooding back. Memories of her and Reid splitting up at a barn, and the guilt JJ had felt afterward. Of Hankel and his torture, of a hollow, lonely, desperate Reid who was nothing like the gentleman she’d gone to that game with. Of a man who’d fought his way back, largely on his own, and who kept fighting to stay on the right path, until somebody decided to try and drag him back down once again.

She wasn’t going to let him handle this moment of deja vu alone. She couldn’t. So she worried. She fussed. She visited, She looked after his mom. She was the one getting him to open up this time around, making him talk about what he’d been through, calling him out when he kept insisting he was “fine”. Again she felt a shift in their interaction, their friendship, afterward, and she kept trying to hold it at bay, tried to avoid the questions that were starting to swirl in her mind.

She should’ve known that would work as a strategy for just so long. What was her explanation to Reid why she’d never told him her feelings? It was “just too complicated”. Yeah, that was quite the understatement, wasn’t it? She was married. And she loved Will, she truly did. He was a good man, she’d made a good life and family with him. She certainly wasn’t about to jeopardize all that over some feelings she couldn’t quite figure out.

So she figured she’d just try and deal with all of this privately. Yet another secret she carried. It was always about the damn secrets with Reid. And just when she felt they’d started to get to a place of true honesty with each other, too. She would’ve laughed at the irony had it not been so frustrating.

Now the truth was out there, and not at all the way she would’ve wanted to tell him were there ever an appropriate opportunity to present itself. She wouldn’t even need a fancy dinner or a romantic night out. She’d imagined her confession more low-key, more direct. And definitely a hell of a lot more private, naturally.

The fact she’d actually even entertained the thought of how to tell Reid her feelings at all, however...that was a frightening development, and not just because of what it would mean for her and Will. It also meant she’d have to confront the possibility that Reid might not respond the way she’d imagined, and that’s even more of a guarantee now. Oh, he’ll be understanding about and sympathetic towards the circumstances in which she confessed to him, sure, and that’s somewhat reassuring.

He would also certainly have every right, every reason to be angry with her. As it stood, he couldn’t return her feelings even if he wanted to, and even if she _were_ in a position where they could act on them, she’s still not sure he’d reciprocate. Hell, sometimes she’s wondered if she’s misread the events of these past few years completely. Maybe she’d mistaken compassion, comfort, gratitude for something more, for an admission.

With one last glance, JJ walked away, pulling her jacket tighter around her.

***

Later, at Rossi's wedding, a few of her fears were put to rest, or at least, that’s how it seemed. Reid didn’t appear angry. In fact, “Everything’s okay,” he assured her.

But she knew him well enough by now to understand that he was saying that to himself as much as her. Now he shared the weight of this secret.

And yet, despite that, she was very much alone.

As, she suspected, was Reid.


End file.
